I wasn’t going to write about Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair revelation, which is why I’m so late in the game on this.
One reason I wasn’t going to write about it is that it’s an open-shut case for me; by not writing about it, I was trying to imply that it wasn’t really a big deal (it took courage for her, but it shouldn’t be a big deal for us to accept it) and we should get over it, already. Jenner gave us the story we wanted to hear for years, to deep personal angst and with internal conflict and trial concerning the person she felt she was inside. She played a part for us, and it only makes sense that we would be happy that she came out from behind the curtain and showed us who she really is. Isn’t it awesome when someone, after years of hiding behind a mask to keep people happy, loves herself enough to come out of hiding and publicly embrace the person she really is?
Another is that there are much more important things to talk about regarding trans people, and I think trans people should be free to represent themselves and those interests…
But then I was thinking — why do we always make the marginalized in society tell us how they are being marginalized as if that is the only part of the conversation? Isn’t there another conversation to be had, regarding why we are illogically seeking to marginalize and oppress a group of people?
So, I was wondering…what is wrong with society that so many are upset about this? Why can’t we be like, “Oh, look, there’s another woman in the world now” and keep living? Why is this blowing up?
The sense I’ve gotten is that being trans is a big deal in society because society makes it a big deal, leaving few of us in the minority who think it’s no big deal to make it a big deal, too. It’s like – it’s not a big deal that one plus one equals two until you meet several people rather insistent on arguing that it equals three and there’s something mentally wrong with you for insisting otherwise. And so, grudgingly, eventually you have to leave the rather exciting things you were doing in calculus to break down this very simple, very straightforward concept in the simplest terms you can muster.
The clear fact is that some people simply do not identify with the gender the physician assigns them at birth. Another clear fact is that few of us naturally conform to stereotypes of masculinity and femininity. Most of us lie somewhere in between the stereotypes – which, after all, we made up.
They’re all somewhat arbitrary, anyway.
On a more limited plane, I know this in a different arena. Although I have black skin, the way I talk, walk, dress, etc. has often led to my being accused of “acting white.” People think that because I look a certain way, I am supposed to act a certain way. However, the fact that I look a certain way does not obligate me to “act black.” I didn’t ask for the color of my skin. I did not ask to be born with the genitalia and the eye color and the voice, etc., that I have. I did not ask to be born with the psychology that I was born with, or much of the way I grew up (and even if I had, it still wouldn’t mean I had to “act black”).
When people tell me, often in jest, that I “act white,” it’s really just a half joke. In truth, it almost seems as if they feel a bit of a slight, as if I am not behaving according to the way the color of my skin is expected to behave. You see…being “black” is not really just about appearance in our culture. It’s also become a way of acting, a way of performing, that has a long history of stereotype crafting behind it. It’s a constructed role, like a character I’m supposed to play in the theatre of society’s gaze.
What I have to remind myself is that this stereotype is their construction, their problem, and I have no responsibility to fulfill it. I can choose the identity I want for myself – indeed, I have to if I want to go on living without feeling guilty that I am not fulfilling society’s definition of the person I am supposed to be, without feeling guilty my whole life for being myself.
Now, in many ways the situations are not parallel. But they are in this – when we attach a certain “proper” psychology, way of speaking, style of dress, or similar characteristic to a person’s bodily appearance, that’s not the other person’s fault. As long as they aren’t causing physical harm to others, they should be free to embrace the identity that they feel most defines who they feel themselves to be. That’s their decision, not mine and not yours.
That’s really simple to me. It’s not rocket science; it just requires unlearning things that some of us have been told over and over again are the case. It’s ridiculous that we would think that just because someone is born with a penis they have an obligation to identify with our constructed definition of a man, just like it would be ridiculous to think that just because someone is born with brown hair they have an obligation to be quiet and submissive. Nonsense. But if you’ve been told, repeatedly, that people with brown hair are quiet and submissive and people with blonde hair are assertive and forthright, then when someone with brown hair acts assertive and forthright, you’re liable to say, “HEY! You’re supposed to act more like you have brown hair – that is, quiet and submissive.”
Where’s the problem? In them? Of course not.
Something is seriously wrong here, and the problem seems to be more with society than with the brown-haired individual.
Now, I realize I’m simplifying a complex topic, and that there’s a lot more to this (including scientific evidence saying that gender psychology does not necessarily match assigned gender based on bodily appearance at birth). But on the most basic level, I think the reason Caitlyn Jenner is a big deal is because we have this irrational idea that the appearance of your body must dictate the identity you embrace. That’s seriously messed up thinking. And I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with us. Seriously… Why would we think that? Why would we try so hard to link the at-birth appearance body with a certain identity? What is society’s neurosis? What was wrong with me, as a fundamentalist and even during some time I spent as an atheist, for me to have such a seriously disturbed obsession?
The most cynical side of me says that the bedrock of the church – especially the Catholic church – is a very intrusive control of familial roles, and that if people accepted that the appearance you’re born with doesn’t automatically have anything to do with the identity you’re born into, then the Catholic church will lose its control over the bodies and the families it tries to play dictator with. Same for Christianity in general.
But if the church lost its control over what a “proper” man or woman was, would that be such a terrible thing? Is the prospect of us forgetting about trying to say that someone’s biology at birth gives them some sort of moral obligation to embrace a certain identity such a terrible, horrifying thing? Why is this such a big deal? So that’s why I almost didn’t write about this.
But I eventually had to, because many friends of mine, and several of my fellow bloggers on this site (in many articles – some featured by this site) were making it a big deal. Someone’s gotta say that this is just ridiculous, and all the hand-wringing is much ado about nothing. And it seems that it helps to challenge the assignment to gender at birth a bit more than we currently do, so that people get the message – to proclaim that, regardless of the biology you were born with, you have a right to identify with the identity that most embodies the person you are.
It’s your body, your choice. And random ignorance on the Internet complaining about your honest expression of who you are doesn’t change any of that. But it sure shows a lot about those irrational complainers that isn’t very complimentary. I would feel somewhat sorry about how they are stuck in their own lie – perhaps even oppressed by it – if the church wasn’t so insistent on trying to guilt people from birth into identifying with identities that people know aren’t them, locking their minds and consciousnesses up in prisons for the entirety of their (often too short) lives.
I’d like to say one more thing, as well. I think the best assignation I can give to those who insist on guilting people for identifying with a different gender than they were illogically assigned at birth is “hate speech” and that it should be condemned as such. Clear and simple, it’s a lie and it’s resulting in the mistreatment and killing of a minority population.
Don’t endorse it, don’t praise it, don’t preach it.
What the hell is wrong with you? Knock it off and get your brains out the gutter, so that we can move on to more important things.
Some of us are tired of having to go back and rebuild square one…
For mental health questions, here is the American Psychological Association on Transgender People.
For a perspective from a major trans advocate, here is Janet Mock on Jenner.
For another perspective from a trans advocate, here is Laverne Cox on Jenner.
For the mixed feelings coming from the trans community in general, here is a Guardian article giving an overview.
For another overview of how trans individuals on Twitter reacted to Caitlyn Jenner, here is an article from The Advocate .
Thanks for reading.
[Image Courtesy of Brian Moore under Creative Commons License]