A couple months ago, this video went viral:
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jh0r7C63_J0[/youtube]
Several parodies were made of the “delivered’ man’s speech, as well as several memes. Most people saw him as a poser and poked fun at his insistence that he wasn’t gay anymore.
It turns out there is a bit more to the story. Apparently, he was never “delivered.” He says that he “needed prayer” and was pressured by the speaker, who said very disturbing, upsetting things about gay individuals in the pulpit, calling them “sissies” and making other derogatory remarks. It appears that Andrew Caldwell, the man in the video, was caught between a rock and a hard place — he wanted prayer and support, and to do that, he had to deny his gay feelings. You can see in the original video that after his statement, the speaker urged people to come around Andrew Caldwell and support him.
Caldwell had no idea, of course, that the video would go viral, and in the news report here was distressed. He said that he was not delivered from homosexuality in the sense that he still has feelings for men.
But that’s not the worst part of the story. The worst part of the story is how Caldwell was treated. Slate writer J. Bryan Lowder totally called what the results were going to be when he said, among other things, the following:
The church community appears to be important to this man, and it is clear that he cannot be openly gay and remain a part of this particular one. Nor, it should be said, can he find shelter in the church queen archetype; the success of the gay rights movement has had the consequence of making those kinds of previously tolerated roles increasingly untenable. But considering his effeminacy, his faith, even his blackness, would the mainstream gay community be any more welcoming? Given what we know about the historical treatment of those issues “over here,” I am not at all sure of that.
In the end, I wonder if we are not so much embarrassed for Caldwell as we are embarrassed that people like Caldwell may see so little of value in current gay culture that denying themselves in order to find acceptance where they can is an appealing option. This video introduces us to a fellow queen who is hurting, and on some level we realize we can offer little succor without doing violence to other aspects of his personality. And so instead of blushing, we laugh.
Remember, the whole reason he lied was so that he would get supported by those around him, and what he found, instead, was notoriety, embarrassment, and even physical attacks of violence for being seen as gay after he claimed he wasn’t.
Now, I could take this time — and doubtless many will — to laugh hysterically at Caldwell’s hypocrisy. But I’m not gonna. Because I know a bit about what it’s like to be afraid of being rejected for who you really are, although I’ve never suffered national embarrassment from it or been physically beaten up for it. I was once a Christian with severe doubts, and I didn’t want to tell the truth for awhile because I was afraid of being isolated, and that insecurity was hell.
I mean, honestly…does anyone reading this not have a secret they don’t dare to tell someone for fear of losing love? Has anyone over the age of, say, 25 ever not been in a situation where they felt like they didn’t fi
I like going into Barnes & Noble every once in a while to browse the books. One of my favorites was the PostSecret collection. So much vulnerability. And people thought that keeping the secrets kept them safe…and in many places, they were right.
There’s a lot more to say here about the ineffectiveness of attempts to “pray the gay away.” Exodus International, a group dedicated to gay conversion, closed down in 2013 and issued an apology. And, of course, there have been several anti-gay activists who have been secretly gay, and this could be seen as another on the list. I’m not saying it’s right; the lies hurt a lot of people.
They hurt the people who feel they have to hide to be loved.
I know that atheism is about nothing more than a lack of belief in God or gods. I get told that incessantly. Even though I mentioned that I know that here, someone else, somewhere, is probably going to complain that I’m missing that with what I’m about to say…
But the truth is that if we are not accepting and understanding of the plight of individuals like Caldwell, we will make their lives hell. We don’t have to be accepting of him. But if we aren’t accepting to someone like him who is desperate for acceptance, he’ll probably think that in order to be accepted, he has to lie. He may think that he can get more love and respect from suppressing his sexuality in the church than expressing it freely outside.
Or it may be more complex than that. In any case, it breaks my heart, in a way, to see how much his life was ripped apart by the viral video. Maybe it needed to be parodied and made fun of to help other gay individuals, so I’m not saying it’s a cut and dry moral issue. But at the same time, when I see the hurt in Andrew Caldwell’s eyes when he talks in the news report, my vision waters up.
I don’t know how to end this. I guess I could tie it neat with a nice little bow, but the truth is I don’t have the answers…so before I say something insincere, I’ll wrap this up.
I suppose I could leave you with a cropped pic I took from the PostSecret book I read in Barnes & Noble that seems somewhat fitting:
